~the last couple days were so uncomfortable for me i just dont know what to do anymore~
i just feel like crying, the pain in my heart it feels like someone that is stabbing me in my heart.
why is it like my fault that you lost someone you really treasure, i dont know what i can say except
i'm sorry i'm really sorry forgive me, but that doesnt mean you can get her back.
my sins everything, please can someone make me laugh, make me forget my past and what i have done.
~Jason.J~
every little thing about you i cant forget, the love you gave me for three years before you left me left the world.
it was a heaven for me even we did nothing and i was caring for you it was a really happy time you gave me.
i miss you a lot, sometimes im still thinking why did you left the world so fast, you were so young.
but GOD wanted you by his side.
i know you're not in pain anymore and that you are having a good time there in heaven.
i will never forget you, you will always be in my heart on that special spot.
i've enjoyed the time being with you and i will treasure it like no one ever did.
i never will and i've never lost you because i know you're right beside me even i know you're not beside me in person.
i love you and i never forget you
Jason.J - R.I.P 16.06.90 - 08.07.09
~summertime 2009~
i met alot of people, i think im still living in the past.
summer 2009 it will be unforgettable and its gonna be a happy time.
that is what i thought, it didn't.
the summer it was the most painfull time for me.
if i think about it, it still hurts.
i know i met alot of new friends, people i can trust people i lost and people that disslike me even i know that they dont know well.
and then you have the stupid doctors with the wrong diagnoses and made me hate my life.
after i told my friends about what the doctors are telling me.
they saw me as a liar someone in their eyes that loves to tell lies they dont let me to explain what happend.
so i fell ill, they showed me that they care, i think they really cared then but now ..
i see it as compete suffring for me.
i met a guy again after all those years, i really liked him.
he was caring,sweet and nice to me.
i had fun times with him, but everytime that i was with him i felt a pain in my heart.
i almost died but he was there to catch me up, now in the future i still like him but i wanna hate him.
he is someone that made me feel hurt, someone that i was wrong and that im hurting him.
when i confessed i was at the beach with alot of friends but i was like all the time with another friend, but i think he didnt like it even that i was only talking to him about everything and how i can confess to the other guy.
he was jealous, but he didnt show it.
he told my sister that he liked me to, but i dont believe it, if he really likes me he could have said that.
now i feel guilty towards him.
i want him to hate me, after everything yes everything what happend in the summer.
i want to forget it.
everything is over, i want to erase everything out of my head but it just cant happen and i dont know how and why it doesnt want to go out of my head.
now.....
i ask you hate me, forget me, dont talk about me, erase me from you're head!
i know you think im a liar but still after everything, do you want me to be dead, saying those things to other people.
he kinda backstabbed me, talking bad things about me behind my back.
it made me feel like dying, i know i dont have to take it that hard but i cant.
i still like him and i still love him it will be difficult for me to erase him, because i reallly care about him i like him I LOVE HIM..(damn twice hmm)
god please help me to erase him out of my life, i cant live further with him in my brains with him in my heart. beside that there are still people that keep me up.
from now on, i will take of my mask and show me my real self.
what happend to me cant happen twice.
i will concentrate on school and get my university diploma and to live further forget the pass.
~The people i miss and i will never forget R.I.P~
사 랑해 opa paimin i miss you and i never forget you ~
사 랑해 Jason.J love you ~
